Abysmal Reissue Fails to Generate Buzz

by Ainsley Sinclair

With lead singer and songwriter Girth McDürchstein in prison for murder (according to his record label; the Montana State Department of Corrections will not corroborate the statements of Kelleystein Recordings), metal band Abysmal Crucifix has had a rough year. After an incomplete bootleg of their last album was released by a spiteful former member, their record label responded by reissuing their now-classic sophomore effort, Two Berries on a Twig. The response has been a resounding "eh."

Is this a case of "been there, done that"? Is it because their chart-scraping 1998 single, "Rolling in It," failed to gain enough traction for sustained popularity, or even mild interest in the group? Traditionally, celebrity crime stories like Girth McDürchstein's captivate our vapid nation — but in this case, there has been no coverage whatsoever, aside from a press release from Kelleystein Recordings.

To entice listeners to pick it up, Kelleystein has included threee previously unreleased songs, one of which is good.

Though Kelleystein refused to comment, the impression in the music industry is that this is a comedy of errors: a mismanaged label, an incompetent marketing team, releasing an album even casual Abysmal Crucifix listeners already have. Why not bring back their lesser known Star Sex, or perhaps issue a "greatest hits" compilation?

In the meantime, the band is on a permanent hiatus and should perhaps be considered broken up. As a big fan of Abysmal Crucifix, I do hope they stay together and start putting out new material in the absence of Girth. The Beach Boys did this in the late '60s after Brian Wilson's meltdown, and it yielded some of the band's most incredible songs: "Don't Go Near the Water," "Transcendental Meditation," and "California Saga." I will dedicate future articles to the band's progress.

Reprinted from the Baltimore Sun, April 30, 2000