Crucifix Crucified

by Jonah West

Now, look, I'm a heavy metal fan, and I'm a fan of what they're now calling "sleaze rock." I love AC/DC about as much as a person can love a rock band, and yet I found every single insipid second of Abysmal Crucifix's Two Berries on a Twig unbearable. I've never had a more difficult time listening to an album of music. Both lyrically and musically, this album is like a hemorrhoid, or colon cancer.

Every single member of Abysmal Crucifix should be lined up and shot. No, worse than shot — crucified, on the cross, on a hill, in the desert sun. Rotting from the inside out. The only other album I have hated to this degree is Dangerous by Michael Jackson, and if you remember that review — as I'm sure you do — you'll know that was nothing compared to my reaction to this pile of garbage.

The album does have one redeeming quality: the almost-decent "Thunderbird," a welcome but all too brief reprieve from an album loaded with obscene lyrics and strained attempts at genre-bending. Avoid.

Reprinted from Lewiston Sun-Journal, August 8, 1996